- ~ Dream sucks, overall don’t care for my younger bro that much but care for him more than others in the family. Seeing him as irredeemable certainly is the worst.
starting off with posting that there have been a ton of dreams that I’ve not been posting mostly cause of depression and not wanting to do much of anything.
so having just woken up from one I’ll be typing that.
the dream starts off at an event at a stadium. I’m walking around on my own with plans to meet up with a friend. I’m checking out a booth that has jewelry and some rings that I want. they also happen to have bulk magic cards so I aske to sort through them and check em out. the bulk boxes had collector boxes in wrap but they were opened up already with the cards in the boxes. went through a single box before they closed unexpectedly so I tracked down the booth owners and gave them the cards back.
then I went into the seating for he stadium, up to a vip section cause someone in my chosen family’s family had gotten tickets for all of us to watch. I get seated and notice that my bio family is here with us and that my brother who is 3 years younger and in the military was seated behind me. I was looking forward to catching up later with him but for now I turned to the person I invited who I’m interested in and started talking with them. a bit later my younger brother starts shouting some random bullshit and having a tantrum but I thought it was a seizure or something. my family member that was taking care of him started to remove him from the vip booth.
the dream shifted and now I’m back home with my chosen family but my family decided to come over and hang out too and so we can catch up. I refused to talk with my family mostly except for my younger bro. when I got home I had this weird urge to barricade a door so I did. then went up to my room to see younger bro and my parents sitting on my bed or chair. they were eating snacks so my bed was an absolute mess. I got furious and told them to go downstairs. I went down and finally said hi to my bro. we hugged and I cried that it’s been so long. we both were vaslty different people now, he was still a shit part of the family but not as shit as the others. I didn’t think I’d cry being with him but I was. then he sat on the couch and asked to see my fidget cube, thought it was really cool, played with it for a while then randomly set it down and left it, I picked it up. he eventually had another melt down saying “I DONT WANNA” like a child when asked by my parents about something.
from here the dream gets shit. younger bro is losing his mind and regressing further back into childhood behaviour. I had a switch flip inside me and now my brain sees him as unrecoverable, incurable, dead. he was in the military and his childish tantrums and attitude remained. he was a very strong and skilled person but was only functional in the military. he was ruined, not just by the military but by my parents for treating us like shit in childhood. I started crying really bad at the thought I lost my brother and went to my room
in my room I started cleaning up through my teary vision, sobs and sniffles. I didn’t want to be around anyone rn and just wanted to process this perceived death/loss. my dad came up and saw me crying so he started helping clean. I told him to fuck off and discovered while crying and talking my voice was a lot more feminine, which I was loving. for some reason also hugging my brother gave me euphoria of sounding like a girl while also having a much more fem appearance next to him. anyway, so my dad was helping and I told him to fuck off. he didn’t do so till I pushed him out the room and closed the door. I collected myself to situate on my task and the thought of losing my brother hit me again and I started crying once more.
thats pretty much the dream. I woke up feeling like you would after having cried super hard for like 10-30 minutes.