It’s been 11 days since I started Sertraline and Clonidine. After a few days I started feeling really good, was able to sit at my desk at work and be productive. Clear head, significantly reduced anxiety, less depressive symptoms, I was able to socialize just fine, it was great. But, after the first week I started waking up a few hours after my dosage with severe dizziness and disorientation. So I messaged my psychiatrist and stopped taking the clonidine, reducing sertraline down to 25mg until my appointment today. Now I’m swapped over to 10mg Escitalopram and as needed 25mg tablets of Hydroxyzine. Hopefully these may be better, tho I do kinda want to go back on Sertraline and just power through the bad negative symptoms until I get used to it. As I’ve read the first month is hell but after that it’s the good symptoms and feelings constantly. Will need to do more research I think.
Work has been hell, I took today off as a me day and ended up lounging around. Applied to one job and did laundry, had my psychiatry appointment, thats about as productive as I’ve been. Everything has been overwhelming from moving me off Database. Too many things to learn on top of job responsibilities changing, with nothing explicit and set in stone. There is no support in ways I’d expect and need from my new leadership. Though my meds stopped me from panicking too much, I can swear I would have had a panic attack otherwise on Monday. Afterwards I messaged HR to do an impromptu meeting to vent. He suggested ways to help; a meeting with my leads to clarify my job, letting others know that I’m not expected to perform Database work anymore, and will help where he can with career growth. He has a friend within ABK he reached out to and who agreed to talk with me about data analytics, so I’m excited.
Another thing that happened is my mom showed up at our apartment, leaving a handwritten note in the mailbox and two voice messages to my phone. She is threatening to do a police wellness check on me. Fuck her. I kicked her and my biological family out of my life. She also voted Trump.
The country is fascist, the world is on fire, and I’m trying my hardest to make my life better.