Tomorrow, the 8th, I have an appointment with my psychiatrist with the intent to go over my dreams. As I may have previously described, dreams have been harder to discern from reality, when in dreams I may have able to think but I am lost in it believing it to be reality. This lingers after I wake up, being disoriented and feeling as if my own bedroom is not mine. A main point that I will mention is that I’ve had series of dreams in the past which have introduced problematic behaviours and thinking. Such as the dreams I’ve had of space police attempting an arrest for war crimes I’ve committed. After waking up a few dreams later I believe my chosen family were undercover police waiting and gathering intel on me. I cast those thoughts and such aside as they weren’t useful, thought I’d play the upper hand of knowing they were in on it but not revealing I knew. Eventually those thoughts faded and I’m now aware of what they were.
The outcome I hope for is a medication which may reduce those lingering thoughts, add back the barrier between dream and reality without affecting the content of my dreams too much. I hope that I may get to try an anti-psychotic to see how it affects me in the spirit that I do actually need one. Besides the strange dreams with the loss of barrier I’ve still been paranoid, have magic thinking, ideas of reference, and other symptoms of schizotypal. Upon talking further with some who I know at work that have experience dealing with schizotypal in people they know, they say that I reflect similar or same traits.
I’ve noticed that despite my anxiety and stress being greatly reduced, I’d rather still seclude myself to my studies and fixations. I don’t want to go out and do things, meet people, hang with friends. Now I have the energy and motivation to delve deep into things I wish to learn and improve upon. Curiosity and the never ending march of self-improvement beg me forward. It’s actually harder now to get me to do socializing, due to past traumas and such creeping in then fortifying their fortress of distress in my nervous system.